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Had he lost his chance with Jennifer?
What if she loved Vijay now?
Could he bear this possibility and live with it?
So much was going on in Cyrus’ mind while his heart beat at double rate. Jennifer was late which was new. She was always before time to their meetings and he could still remember her sweet smile which used to lit up the whole place. It was as if she carried happiness in her pocket and sprinkled it everywhere she went. With her by his side, he was strong enough, confident enough to conquer the whole world. The current work assignment that he had snagged was testimony to that. He had almost lost hope of ever working for that prestigious client. Had it not been for Jennifer’s encouragement and her constant support even from as far away as Kochi, he would never have made it so far.
Although they had professed their love for one another and Cyrus had always got the impression that Jennifer loved him, he had been shy about committing wholeheartedly to her. He had felt love to be a fleeting emotion and as per his motto tried to embrace it one day at a time. On the other hand, Jennifer, he knew, had been sure from the first instant that she had her heart stirring for Cyrus that she would always love him and been hopeful that he would love her too with all his heart.
But had he?
He hadn’t even gone after her when she had ran off crying after baring her heart to him in their last fight.
He was ashamed of all the needless harsh words he had said to her in the recent months and blamed himself for the falling out that they had.
“Why are you here?”
Cyrus heard the achingly familiar voice that seemed to be coming from far away. Maybe it was far away just out of his reach. If only he could persuade Jennifer to accept his love and possibly him again, he would do anything, be anything for her.
As he looked up, he saw Jennifer standing in a loose white top with polka dots and snugly fitted black pants.
Jennifer was taken aback at seeing Cyrus like this. His hair was wind blown and he had a wild look about him as if he was in shock. The ever smartly dressed Cyrus looked disheveled and completely out of form here.
“What is wrong? Are you alright?”
She ran to him and continued firing questions while she checked him out for any possible injuries.
Finding nothing wrong with him physically, she looked up to see Cyrus standing very still with his eyes focused keenly on her. It looked like he was seeing her right to her soul which was somewhat disconcerting.
“I love you.” He mumbled, all the while piercing her with his amber eyes that looked unblinkingly at her.
“Cyrus loves me.” was the first thought that came to Jennifer. Stunned into numbness, everything looked too unreal to her.
“What?” she croaked. Her throat had suddenly gone very dry.
Cyrus was feeling confident suddenly. Just like a man who has nothing to loose feels while taking the ultimate plunge.
“I said that I love you.” He slowly repeated while walking up confidently to her. Just stopping a breath away from her, he waited for her answer.
Was it possible that Cyrus loved her? Jennifer could not believe her ears. Ever since meeting Cyrus, she knew she would never love anyone like she did him but had always felt him keeping her at a distance. There was no other man for her but him. Granted he was moody, loved his independence and often came out rude when she called him up too many times in a day but she was sure he loved her and would eventually realize that they were made for each other. But all her illusions had been shattered the last time she went up to meet him in Delhi. He had gone crazy when he heard that Vijay would be working closely with her on the latest assignment. He wanted her to cut all ties with Vijay. Despite all her assurances he didnt trust her which had hurt her. What was a relationship without trust and respect?
She had bared her heart and her soul but gotten no response from him as he stood expressionless. Feeling humiliated and heartbroken she had ran out and cried on Vijay’s shoulder while he consoled her. He was nothing more than a good friend. Why didnt Cyrus believe this?
Can you believe a person who has already thrown away your heart once?
But looking into his eyes, Jennifer knew that she would always give him a chance because she loved him. It was that simple.
Looking him squarely in the eyes, she said, “I do love you and you know it.”
She had shocked him with her sudden and confident answer. She smiled inwardly as she was suddenly crushed in an embrace that could break bones but also mend hearts.
‘I love you. I love you. I love you.”
Cyrus chanted as he hugged her and then kissed her.
After what felt like ages, they parted and Jennifer asked him the question that she had asked at the beginning.
“Why are you here?”
“I came to propose, as you can see.”, said Cyrus while eyeing her thoroughly kissed lips.
“But what was the urgency. You could have called me and we could have met in a restaurant or something. You look like hell.” she chuckled.
“Nope. Couldn’t wait. Had to tell you before that Vijay took you from me forever.”
Hearing Vijay’s name and Cyrus’ apparent jealousy made Jennifer angry but she tamped down on it. This was a beautiful moment and she didn’t want to ruin it.
“Vijay is just a friend.” she told Cyrus again.
“Anyhow, I am more interested in catching the heinous child traffickers and saving all those innocent children.”
Seeing Jennifer all fired up with that warrior glint in her eyes made Cyrus want to love her and protect her from all the dangers in the world but he didnt want to repeat his past mistakes. He would support her now and have faith in her ability to work safely.
“Did you get any leads on this case?” He asked trying to show her that he supported her and had confidence in her.
“Oh, I almost forgot but I have to go to Inspector Tawde immediately.” Jennifer had suddenly remembered about the crying girl and the suspicious woman.
“Inspector Tawde? But why?”
Cyrus was confused now.
“I saw a girl at the beach today and she was crying. The woman with her didnt look like her mother and I know I have seen the girl somewhere…”
Jennifer told Cyrus the whole story and how she and Vijay had seen so many missing children’s pictures that her mind had boggled.
“When I saw the girl on the beach, the first thing that came to my mind was, ‘Hey, I have seen her before.’ but I could not recollect where. I have a hunch that she is among the many missing kids that I saw in the police file and I want to check it out with Inspector Tawde.”
“How can you say that she is missing. Children cry for all kinds of reasons and the woman that you saw could be a helper or a nanny. Don’t be absurd and rein in your over active imagination.”
“I am not imagining and I tell you something was seriously fishy. I could feel it.”
Despite Jennifer’s vehemence, Cyrus was not impressed and would have tried again to discourage her from going to the police if she hadn’t said the following words which instantly boiled his blood and made him see red.
“Vijay would have supported me. He is always receptive of my hunches and respects my opinion.”
“Right, that he is.” Cyrus said sarcastically.
“No need to be rude, Cyrus. You never support me in anything. You don’t respect me or my work. You don’t trust me. You are always jealous.You are so full of yourself that you don’t give enough credit to anyone. It should always be about you. Only you can be correct. Everyone else should just blindly follow you.”
She was so angry now. “It would always be like this.“, Jennifer thought. They would always fight. Cyrus would never appreciate her work and she would always be left trying to convince him.
“Fine. I will never be able to measure to your sweet Vijay. He is just so perfect that I feel I will get a tooth cavity from just listening you rant about him all day. You think I don’t support you? I do support you. I will happily jump from a roof just to show you that I believe you but what’s the point? I will always be second fiddle to Vijay and I refuse to be so. I love you and will wait for you but this time you will have to come to me. Decide who you want in your life. Me or him.”
Cyrus turned and walked away, leaving behind the woman he loved. What had he done?
How could you find something and then loose it in a blink of an eye?
Jennifer stood rooted to the spot. Why was love so bitter? Why couldnt Cyrus believe her when she had told him a hundred times that Vijay was nothing to her?
Why didnt he believe her when she told him of her hunch?
Was she so inadequate that he didnt feel confidence in her abilities?
She would prove to him that she was right. She would talk to Tawde and save that little girl. Her instincts had always helped her and she would not ignore them just to please someone. So what if her heart was crushed yet again and that Cyrus had again proved that she would never have the forever kind of love that she desired from him.
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Tara and Shekhar had been married a long time but were they happy?
Tara lay listless on the couch and thought what had happened to them. They had been happy once. She had been enamored by Shekhar’s wild bad boy attitude. His Urdu poems had made her heart sing and watching him play his guitar had made her want to dance and drown in all the feelings of love she had felt in those moments. He had been popular and girls had swooned when he so much as looked their way. His guitar playing sessions used to bring the whole college at a standstill with everyone fighting to grab a spot and hear him play.
Watching his slumped shoulders, balding head and weak body now, she felt sorry and somewhat disappointed. They had lost so many years fighting over unimportant things. She had always known that he was the artistic type. A dreamer, nothing like her own ambitious self then why had she begun to resent him when he didn’t stand up to her expectations of a husband who was suave, realistic and ambitious? She didnt know.
Howsoever she tried, she could not bring herself to answer this question. He had never misled her to believe that he was anything other than the sweet, sensitive dreamer that he was. He had always told her of his passion for writing and had pursued writing as a freelancer after marriage. She had tried to understand his motives, support his aspirations but in the end she had wanted someone to share her passion for power, wealth and success.
“What are you doing?” Tara asked as she watched Shekhar trying to find something in a drawer.
“Trying to find a recent picture of Roohi.”
“But why? We already gave one to the newspapers and one to the police.”
Shekhar’s hands stilled and suddenly Tara was aware of his shoulders shaking slightly.
Was he crying?
She slowly sat up and walked over to him. Placing a hand on his shoulder, she could see that he was crying silently.
“Shekhar!” she cried and was soon hugging him from behind.
“We will find our daughter, my dear.”
“We have to find her, Tara. I cant loose her too!” Shekhar sobbed.
“I have already lost you.”
“No, you haven’t.” Tara stressed.
Shekhar blinked like he could not believe if this was real or not.
“I havent?” He mumbled.
“No, my darling. We have made many mistakes but we can still correct them. Roohi would want that. Our daughter is still out there. We have to find her and bring her home. Home to her Mama and Papa.”
Tara spoke softly while caressing his cheek like he was a small boy. Sometimes he was. He was innocent like a child, sensitive to people and things. This is what had attracted her to him the first time that she had met him. Although he looked like a rockstar with his long hair, soulful amber eyes and dashing looks, he was unlike the other boys. He was kind, gentle and a good boy in this bad world. He had brought her peace, calmed her after a hectic day with his poetry and she had loved every second of the time that they spent together. Life had been sweet in college and when Shekhar had gone down on one knee to propose to her it had felt like heaven. She had been the envy of every girl.
What happened after college?
She didnt know. In the race to earn money, make her name and run her house, she had neglected her husband and then her child along the way. Tara felt regret, anger and stupid but she knew everything would be fine once they found their doll. She would never take her family for granted ever again.
As she stood hugging her husband, Shekhar was having similar thoughts. He had always foregone reality. A dreamer, he had made characters and stories in his mind. He should have given Tara more credit for all the hardwork she did to support them and bring a steady income. While he sat at home and wove unreal stories, she braved the harsh reality and Roohi? He hadn’t thought of the poor child in his differences with his wife. While they had fought and then gone about their day and easily engrossed themselves in other things, had they ever thought of the naive, innocent girl who heard her parents fight and didnt know what to do?
“What say, we start afresh?” Shekhar asked uncertain of Tara’s response.
To be continued….
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Good one Niki…. your post is really great.
Amazing writing. This is going on like a novel.
Love a good freebie! Thanks for sharing. Wanted to let you know I nominated you for the One Lovely Blog Award. Details in my post here: http://kaisaclark.wordpress.com/2014/09/15/one-lovely-blog-award/
Happy blogging! 🙂
Thanks Abhyu 🙂
Thanks Bindu 🙂
Thanks Kaisa 🙂